ancora lamento

i am not happy. it's cold. it's gray. i'm poor, with no paycheck in sight. the crepe i had for breakfast was too eggy (yes, i have strong opinions about crepes, big surprise). i am totally insecure and don't feel good enough about anything. i am worried that i will be stuck in mediocre food writing forever. heck, i am scared of being condemned to a life of mediocrity, period. i feel selfish and awful, because since i have no money, all i can think about is things that i want to buy. i am not normally like that. and i don't want anyone to give me any money because they are worried about me or feel bad for me. i just want to get paid for the work i have done diligently (ahem) and well for the past 5 months. i was promised a monthly stipend before i came to italy, and i have received nothing. it sucks. i am wrapped up in this misery. it's all i can think about. except for the fact that unless i go back to school soon, i will indeed be doomed to a life of mediocrity. bleh.