i have no words

i want to go to pakistan and hopefully iran and afghanistan because i want to acknowledge that the world i spend most of my time in, worrying about money, worrying about what i am going to do with my life, worrying my silly worries, is not the only world that i am a part of.

i sit here, depressed and worried about money, friends, visas, this book, becoming what i want to become.

but really there is so much more.

a man at my work, with whom i usually don't get along, has an ailing newborn.
i don't particularly like him, but i have been sure let him know that i will do anything
i can for him, to make his life and his baby's
life easier.

people are struggling with living so much more desperately than i have ever
wrestled with myself.

i want to go there to see.
i want to go there to feel.
i want to go there to understand.

i will probably never understand.
but i want to try.

i have no words for this.